Thursday, February 25, 2010


standing on the edge,
I can feel the heat from outside,
yet the world I'm in is alone and cold,
my mind is so empty,
my skin so white,
I'd give away all my belongings,
just to breathe true air,
the green far beyond my reach,
steel screen preventing freshness,
the hole I am stuck in,
is so damp and dirty.
I can't walk three steps,
without eyes peering out,
and observing my every move,
my every breath,
I am caught in the web of my own life,
tormenting thoughts,
racing through my mind,
every second I am awake,
I've been swallowing artificial happiness,
artificial health,
to replace all I have lost,
if not for slop on a plate,
I would all together starve,
warnings run all day,
and i can hear the others scream,
in here it's one struggle,
just to live again.

by ~rebekah-cider-agogo

This poem reminds me of the hole I lived in before my recovery from drug addiction. My poison of choice had been Heroine. I had been slowly killing myself for almost 15years, and have been clean for nearly 3 now. I am picking up where I left off, got my GED, taking some college courses; I want to be a nurse or something that will let me help others who are stuck in their own holes. I want to be that hand they grab onto to lift themselves up and out into the light.

Thursday, February 18, 2010

No More Locked Doors

Everyday we pass through doors
Whether they're open or locked, the decision is yours
When you choose to slip up, that decision is gone
How long they're locked depends on what you've done.

Now you sit, staring, at the locked doors all around
The thoughts in your mind beating you soul to the ground
That time has now come to put change in your ways
Stop living your life in some substance-induced haze.

The time will soon come to unlock the door
From then on set your goals to always want more
If it's the negative road and wrong choices you make
Someday, real soon, your life, those drugs WILL take.

So when you hold in your hand the key to your door
Don't be that guy face down on the floor
For EVERYONE has the potential to be great
Just like the doors, you hold the key to your fate.



Tuesday, February 16, 2010

Prescription Drug Detox

Substance and drug abuse does not only apply to alcohol and illegal drugs, it also applies to prescription drugs, because of this, there is a need for prescription drug detox. Prescription drugs pose a unique problem when going through drug detox programs, as some treatment centers will use medicine to help ease the withdrawal symptoms or treat other mental disorders. This poses a problem because if you are attending prescription drug detox, then you are already addicted to prescription drugs and there is a chance that your addiction could transfer to the medicine being used in your detox programs. This is why it is important to choose a prescription drug detox center that offers a variety of programs so that you can successfully recover from your addiction.

Cliffside Malibu is the best treatment center for prescription drug detox, as we offer a variety of holistic drug treatments. This means that we will offer you treatments that may not use any type of prescribed medicine. This is what you, as a prescribed drug addict needs, so you will not transfer your addiction from one drug to the next. You will find treatments like acupuncture, massage therapy, and yoga groups to help you overcome your addiction. Moreover, you will have these holistic treatments in a luxury setting surrounded by the ocean.

Article courtesy of Cliffside Malibu

Monday, February 8, 2010

When there is no enemy within, the enemies outside cannot hurt you. ~African Proverb

As part of my eating disorder treatment, I decided to turn to the internet for inspiration while on my own path of recovery. There is so much out there to help guide and inspire someone. So I thought I would bring some of that here to help you. I found some interesting facts about adolescent eating disorders:
*Anorexia is the third most common chronic illness among adolescents.
*40 – 60% of high school girls diet.
*50% of girls between the ages of 13 and 15 believe they are overweight.
(Facts from Anorexia Statistics)
And I fell right into it, at age 16 I weighed 96lbs. I found a story close to my own which helps me realize that I am not the only one out there:

I was a chubby child growing up with a perfectly skinny twin sister. She seemed to receive all my parents and our peers' attention because she was thin. I felt ignored which developed my shyness. She dominated in almost everything that we did together. I thought that going on a diet would increase my self-esteem and get people to notice me. I did not starve myself, but I would limit my caloric intake to about eight hundred calories.

I would eat a bowl of cereal for breakfast so my parents would think I was eating properly. I wouldn't eat lunch. I'd make up excuses like I either did not have any money or I was not hungry and I would eat later. After school I would go to tennis practice on an empty stomach and exercise as much as I could for two hours.

My family always ate dinner together, so I would eat a full meal to keep everybody from assuming that I had an eating disorder. I'd always tell my mom that certain items were too fattening and I couldn't eat them.

The strange thing was that when I lost the weight people would give me the nicest compliments. The compliments felt so good, so I kept dieting. Those compliments were my reward for my control. They pushed me to diet more and lose more weight so I could get all the attention that a skinny person receives.

Eventually, my parents and friends noticed my bad eating habits. They forced me to eat and would not leave my side. I denied my eating problem for a long time, not even admitting it to my boyfriend until last year. I received a lot of support from my boyfriend, which I think helped me through my problem.

With terrific support from my friends and family, I now try to have a balanced diet instead of getting the fewest calories possible. I now feel more confident about my body and have a higher self-esteem.
Andrea's Story and more available at Anorexia Stories

I was also able to hide my problem for a long time...until I lost too much weight. Everywhere I turned skinny was good and fat was bad. When I turned on the TV that's all I'd hear so the little voice in my head repeated it. The little voice became my enemy. When I finally admitted my problem, I was backed by my sister and my now fiance. They helped me find a great place to go and learn how to fix me. I am recovering from anorexia nervosa and am very proud of my accomplishments thus far. I am now 25 years old, 135lbs at 5'6". I am healthy and I am happy. And that little voice, she's my friend too. She's strong and tells me I'm beautiful. She repeats what the good people in my life say. She is no longer influenced by the media.

Monday, February 1, 2010

Sober Life is yet to come....

It is one of the most beautiful compensations in life that no man can sincerely try to help another, without helping himself. -- Ralph Waldo Emerson

Such lessons are not taught to us in school or by our parents who desperately try to shelter us from the evils of the world, these lessons are learned the hard way out in the real world where things get messy.

Nobody grows up thinking to themselves how can I really screw life up and piss my parents off? Yea, we are all teenagers and think that's what we want but it never really is. And yet a few of us actually manage to do just that.

Ask yourself, was it worth it? All the pain? The suffering? The friend's you lost? The dreams you had now gone?

Probably not....Defiantly not. And if you hesitated then you haven't hit the bottom yet, do you really want to? I did. Let me tell you, you don't want to.

I wish I had seen what was coming. Now I am a spokesperson for sobering up and leading a life on the straight and narrow, being the person I wish I had when I was younger. Sober Living is something everybody needs to learn. The school's try but they don't portray the life style as it really is. Its dark, lonely, scary and is a long black tunnel of emptiness.

As part of my drive to help people headed down this road or those already on this path I have learned of Sober Living Facilities and their benefits to help people before they get here.

This is where I started my journey to sober living. Sober living at Malibu was the singular greatest experience of my life. Finding a place like that, that inspires you to rise above it all is what really counts.

"I will persist until I succeed. Always will I take another step. If that is of no avail I will take another, and yet another. In truth, one step at a time is not too difficult.... I know that small attempts, repeated, will complete any undertaking." —Og Mandino