I found a really moving article that i am going to share below:
"I came from a good family although my parents divorced when I was 16. I always felt a void in my life just like most teenagers do. I decided to turn to try filling that emptiness with drugs.
I had my first child when I was 20
By the time my girls were 3 and 5 years old, I had started using meth.
years old. By the time my girls were 3 and 5 years old, I had started using meth. First I was snorting, smoking and finally shooting it in my arms. As a child I hated getting shots or blood drawn, but by this time I was allowing someone or myself to stick a needle in my arm.
When I began doing meth, I stayed up for about 4 days. I cleaned the floors on my hands and knees with a toothbrush. I cooked a lot of food, but would not eat. I tried to iron my curtains and I didn't know how to iron. I took my kids to soccer -- I felt like super mom.
When it wore off, I was so tired and sick and I had an intense craving for more. I went behind my husbands back to make contact with dealers to do my own supply, without anybody knowing it.
I got sneaky and very greedy. I kept running out of money and dope, so I started pawning stuff out of my house, and taking my kids piggy bank money that grandparents
"The authorities knew I was on meth because of the circle of people I ran with."
and people had given them. Then I started selling dope to supply my habit. People would hear I could get good dope, so I would take their money, buy a lot and give them a little out of it and sometimes I would just sell them cooked down cold pills.
My drug problem got worse and worse.
I lost so much weight, I looked like walking bones -- like death. My family and friends started noticing the weight loss and how bad I was looking so I started staying in my bedroom and covering up the windows. I was afraid of the police or strangers looking in at me.
Through these times I stayed in my bedroom and only came out occasionally to check on the kids. Sometimes I would stay up so many days and nights when I finally crashed out asleep, I slept for a couple of days or more. When I got up and I would be so tired, sick and craving more that I was useless to myself or anyone else.
Teachers at school
I kept running out of money and dope, so I started pawning stuff out of my house, and taking my kids'piggy bank money...
began to notice signs: The kids would be late to school, or I would be late picking them up or they wouldn't be there at all.
As my kids got older they began making excuses for me. They would tell people I was sick a lot or make up something else to say. I did not realize what I was doing to them.
By the time they were eight and five years old they were doing their own laundry and cooking their own food. I would come out of the bedroom to check on them ever so often. They were not allowed to stay at friend's houses because I had to have them at home to look out for me. They let me know who was pulling into our driveway every time. There were so many people always coming and going at our house.
When my friends came over everyone came in to my bedroom, that's where I was and we got high. When I was coming down, no one could be around me. I was so angry and so mean to everyone.
I didn't even
Charlotte, healthy and happy with her two daughters.
like myself. So, if I didn't have meth, I would chase it until I found it.
During this time one of the reasons my daughters were looking out for me was because the police had arrested me for bad checks, a violation of my probation. The authorities knew I was on meth because of the circle of people I ran with. They were always getting me for something, even stuff that dated back as far as eight years (like old tickets) just so they would have a reason to raid my house or to check me for drugs.
I have so many memories now of different times and places I've been, where I could have been killed and I have witnessed lot of bad things. My kids were so afraid. They seen the police arrest me so often they thought the police were the "bad guys". They would scream for them not to arrest me. I have heard them cry, "Please not my mommy," so many times. At the time it didn't affect me, but now it haunts me. They were so terrified and it was my fault."
After reading this with my friend i realized that its the exact situation i was in. Cliffside Malibu was recommended to me from a family member. The proper drug rehabilitation is defiantly the answer. Having such a professional, supportive, caring and professional staff is the answer. Thank you so much as i hope the story above helps others realize that its not simple but their is an answer out there you just have to be willing to have the WANT to change.